I am a writer, period.

Last night I dreamed I ate a 10-pound marshmallow. When I woke up, the pillow was gone.
-Tommy Cooper

Do you ever feel blah? Just going along with life, wondering what is "it?" What will make life something more significant? Will God "call" me to do something dynamic, or am I destined to be just another life lived in blah? I really want to contribute something. It's been awesome to have people tell me that they appreciate me and feel encouraged by something I wrote, did or said, or even my smile. That in itself is great and warms my heart. Am I ever going to do or be someone where I am just exasperated and wonder at something which comes out of me that is truly magnificent, though?

A woman I met last year invited me to visit a writers' group. I went, and felt like a humbled sponge. Everything that was said I ate right up. The speakers were great! The camaraderie was moving. Then, when I thought of me, and how I haven't even finished writing anything but a few children's stories, some songs, poems, prose, and articles, I didn't think I belonged there. So one day, sitting at a coffee shop, listening to these wonderful, generous women who have adult fiction books published - which I, for some reason, consider more validly the definition of a writer - I felt like God wasn't quite calling me to be an official member of the group because of what I have done as a semi-writer, as if there is some hierarchy in this label. Guiltily, I accepted a box filled with resources to help one improve as a writer . I had no clue where to begin listening to the cassette tapes. Sometimes, I wonder if God is truly calling me to anything. Of course, I feel a strong "calling" to be the mom I am attempting to be (I really could improve in some areas of motherhood, like keeping a clean house and being a better example of organization, etc.). Is there something else for me?

Finally, today I just picked up a few cassettes and settled on Barbara Curtis's "Guaranteed Ways to Publish 50-100 Articles a Year," from a conference held in April of 2003. *Side-note: I had to think just now a bit about how the cassette player functioned. I paused, thinking I would lose my place..Oh yah!! Cassettes stop in place so I don't have to find my place again if I take the tape out to see the exact title, etc.* And yes, I had to go out and buy a boom box with a cassette player since I gave up on replacing them years ago, after my kiddos destroyed a couple. Do all kids think everything, related to money, grows on trees? Dare I say that God was the one working in the selection of the cassette tape? One tidbit of advice Ms. Curtis gave caused my heart to pound. The advice was to begin gathering information now, even if I don't know what God will "call" me to do later. That reminds me of Dr. Maria Montessori's life. Back in her day and country, women weren't supposed to have careers, but she really wanted to be a doctor, against her father's wishes. She did it anyway obviously, being the first woman in Italy to become a doctor. But then she had some twists and turns in her life that brought her back to a more feminine role - caring for young children, in an extraordinary way. So now I'm feeling pretty encouraged and inspired.

This reminds me of the whole concept that can sound like, "When I get married , I will change." Why wait?

Meditation

1 Samuel 30:6
David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him; each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters. But David found strength in the Lord his God."
**King James version says, "but David encouraged himself in the Lord." The Hebrew word used for strength/encouraged is "chazaq" which means to seize, be strong, CONQUER, aid, amend**

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

1 Corinthians 1:9
God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful.

Galatians 1:6 & 7
I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you by the grace of Christ and are turning to a different Gospel - which is really no gospel at all. Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ.

Galatians 5:13
You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.

Ephesians 4:1 - 3
As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

- Holy Bible, New International Version (NIV)

Appearances are Tricky

Since I had nothing to do (ha!), I decided to venture into the deep abyss and check out what is new in the world of make-up. Jumping jacks!! Just as I thought, it was nothing more than a life changing experience. Those of you who have known me since way back in the day may recall that I used to go the whole nine yards, but in an understated way. Now, I don't think it's possible to go as far as Stephany did on my face. Would I really ever be the kind of person that uses eyebrow wax daily? Could I dig down deep inside and dab primer for every artistic expression on my happily naked countenance, especially priming for eye-shadow? Oh, and that gold creme eye-shadow, when would I ever wear that? The completed masterpiece was so beautiful and made me want to stare at myself and never wash my face again. Where is a photographer when you need one?! And this is exactly why I stopped fiddling with the cosmetic alterations. However, after having fun with Stephany's creativity and intoxicating exhilaration, I know I can possibly have a balanced relationship with cosmetics. I just may be the next NeNe or Kim.

Watching my girls be thrilled to be in that section of the store forces me to examine my own resolutions of "beauty." The rebel in me is determined to defy the worldly definition of "beauty," or more, the ridiculous insanity here in the United States of America, in relation to "image." What is the significance of what someone wore to the Grammies or Academy Awards? I really liked the swan suit Björk wore several years ago. Ever since then, I have not paid much attention.

It really ticked me off to see that the Broncos AND the Nuggets changed their uniform colors. I have been perturbed to see that the more modern female volleyball uniforms include shorts instead of briefs. In my opinion, I thought this should have happened a long time before I was humiliated wearing those dark blue briefs.

Seeing a photo of me in those 70s/80s short shorts with the white piping around the edges and up the side. Apparently my sophisticated mother thought this was not a wise fashion choice back then. I was a kid at the time, so it didn't occur to me to wear them with tights. The folks I saw wearing them back then wore them the same way I did. Fashion and appearance are not my hobbies, nor have they ever been.

So the whole issue of modesty has reared its' ugly head in my household. Do you adhere to the philosophy of "I did it, so I can't tell my kids not to do it?" What kind of logic is that? Only in the States. Not really!! That phrase can probably be translated. No matter what part of the world, that logic is way whack!! Hypothetically, if a person chooses to walk into a polar bear habitat at the zoo, and lives to tell about it, but looses a leg and 3 fingers, is it wrong of that person to advise others not to try it? Is it sane or insane for parents and teachers to suggest that children not make the same mistakes they have made? Is there a person that has ever lived who wished they had not practiced modesty? I can just imagine someone saying, "Boy, I wish I had worn that bustier with my tight cat suit, backwards of course, so that the bustier could show through. I wish I had worn that to the clubs and danced my tuckus off!! My life would be so much better! And the world would definitely most likely be a better place."

Ouch-sourced

Have you seen "Outsourced," the movie? I am viewing it on DVD as I type this. I have a feeling that "Outsourced," the NBC sitcom coming this Fall, will be the catalyst to the next civil war in this country. Not too funny rubbing it in (no pun intended) that unemployment runs rampant here, while jobs with "American" companies are going to other countries due to cheaper labor costs, limited regulations, and incentives provided by other governments. Pretty soon, we'll have to go to other countries for medical treatment to keep costs down for the new government provided health care benefits. What do you think?